Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones, but… Words?
Remember the childhood mantra, “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?” Sure, it’s a catchy little rhyme, but probably not the message we want to engrain in the minds of our little ones. The reality is that words actually do hurt.
I remember a very unexpected encounter with someone I loved, admired and trusted, who, within only a few minutes, completely shattered my spirit with spiteful words that cut me to my core. I am absolutely certain a broken arm or leg would have been less painful and would have healed much sooner. The poisoned arrows that pierced my heart that day left a wound that may eventually scar over, but will likely never go away.
Words are powerful. Not sure who Nicholas DiNapoli is/was, but while reading one day, I came across and saved this quote from him, “Words have the power to heal and enslave, uplift and destroy. Our words have the power to construct entire worlds or bring existing ones to ruin. They are perhaps the most patent tools humanity has been given. We would all do well to use them with just a little more care.” The words we choose can build up and bring life, or tear down and bring despair, and once they are spoken, they cannot be erased - they are forever in existence. Our words can bring calm and safety, but if we aren’t careful, they can also manipulate and deceive. The devastation words have potential to cause can literally last forever. I remember when my sons were dating. I often reminded them to be kind to the girls who had crushes on them and to be careful with what they said because hurtful words might stay in those girls’ hearts forever. I remember how words from boys or my peers shaped what I believed about myself when I was young. Think of words said to you in childhood and your adolescent years - both positive and negative… did you carry any of them with you into your adult life? Did they shape your self image and esteem? Words are truly so powerful.
The tongue that speaks these words is also mighty! The Bible says the power of life and death are held within the tongue. The book of Proverbs mentions the power of the tongue numerous times and in the book of James, the tongue is referred to as “an unruly evil that cannot be tamed; that is full of deadly poison.” So, why is the tongue referred to in such ways? Because the tongue is the tool we use to express our innermost thoughts and ideas... our hearts. What we speak is a reflection of who we are. If harsh words roll off your tongue without regard for the damage they may cause, it might be a good idea to take a little self-inventory… Matthew 12:35 says “A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him. An evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him.” If we love and truly care about someone, we should never be okay with hurting them with our careless words…. or perhaps worse, intentionally choosing words we know will hurt them. The love we have for others should cause us to pause before speaking, assess our motives, and choose our words carefully. Some may say, “Well, I’m just an honest and direct person, and sometimes the truth hurts!” I’ve heard this before and don’t buy it. Yes, truth should be shared, but should be delivered in love, with compassion and kindness. The truth does not have to hurt.
Humans are messy. We are imperfect, broken people. I know this to be true of myself and I know this to be true of the person who hurled the destructive insults at me. I allowed an imperfect human to hold my worth and value in their tongue and it caused serious damage. Afterwards, I spent a lot of time praying, reflecting and reading and God showed me once again that He is the only one I can safely allow to hold my worth and value, my God who created me, loves me and treasures me. God, who reassures my spirit and speaks peace to my soul, even when I’ve been wounded. I’m thankful that God can use real-life disappointments to remind us of His faithfulness and love for us. One good that comes from difficulties, or when others let us down - they give us more opportunities to draw closer to God and to remember who He is and who we are and were created to be.
There is so much ugliness in our world today and people are hurting. We seem so divided. Be careful what you allow yourself to listen to and believe. Consider the motive of words that are spoken. Are the words spoken intended to edify or destroy? What about the words you choose to speak to others? Be kind. Be compassionate. Remember, most people are fighting battles we cannot see and know nothing about… Consider the lasting impact of your words before you speak them, and whatever you do, never, ever underestimate their power.
“Set a guard over my mouth, Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips.” ~ Psalms 141:3
