Identity Thief

I was shopping, and my cart was quite full. I joined a few other shoppers in the hair products aisle when I heard a kid say “Whoa! He’s got a lot of stuff in his cart!” I turned toward the voice to see the boy, probably around 10 years old, looking right at me. His mother pulled him to the side, looked up at me and said “Yes, he does! Now get out of his way.” It took only a moment for it to hit me. I’d been mistaken for a man. My cheeks immediately began to tingle like a thousand sharp, tiny needles were pricking my skin and without warning, my eyes became hot and I felt pools of water swell behind my eyes. I forged ahead, asking the other shoppers to “excuse me,” and rounded the corner to the next aisle where I just stood, inhaling deeply through my nose, determined not to let the dam break, processing what had just happened and working through the rawness of that encounter.

As I went about my shopping, I found myself mindlessly roaming the aisles and kiosks with thoughts of all the things I felt cancer had stolen from me over the past year. Health, security, freedom, relationships, confidence, energy… all have been threatened this year. And now, I thought, “cancer has finally stolen my identity.”

As I wandered the store I thought about the identity theft subscription I have called Life Lock. I wished I could just call up the 800 number and report “Um, yes… I believe my identity has been stolen,” then hang up, go about my business and let the representative on the other end of the line fix it.

I’ve reflected on that day in the store many times. Reliving the way that moment made me feel and trying to make sense of the boy’s (and his mother’s!) mistake. Regardless of how absurd it may seem that it happened, and even if the boy and his mother were delusional, it still happened, and it still struck an emotion that has been tough to shake.

While I am gaining physical strength, I am finding the emotional, psychological and spiritual storms are raging, quite possibly stronger than ever. It’s an interesting dichotomy. It’s as if Satan himself is taking advantage of every weak moment. He has used the most unexpected situations, conversations and circumstances to plant seeds of doubt in my head, vicious lies about who I am now and what is to be. In the time since the store, I’ve also thought about the concept of my subscription to Life Lock - reconciling the tangible with the intangible ways identity can be threatened and it occurred to me that I actually do have a Life Lock account for the intangible – and that account is my salvation. Though Satan prowls and may hurl insults and spew venomous lies in the moments I feel threatened, my heart is always, always protected in Jesus. My identity is in Him, not in this world and certainly not in Satan or any of his evil pawns. This truth that I know in my heart doesn’t automatically “fix” the circumstances I face, but it does give me peace way deep down in my soul that no matter what I face, no matter how others may look at me or define me, on my weakest days, Jesus is my strength, He is my anchor of peace, and He holds my future.

To those reading my blog - I don’t know what you’re facing, where you are now or where you’ve been, but if you don’t know Jesus – really know Him, please consider taking some time to do so. Many times in my life, my relationship with Jesus is the only thing that made sense to me, and certainly is the one truth that brings peace to me in the scariest times. I can’t imagine how I would have made it through the past year without Him. On dark, long, painful nights and days when I was sick, He was right there with me. The comfort, security and that peace that doesn’t make sense when things seem to be falling apart comes only from Christ. Please don’t let your circumstances, your past, your physical self, your hurts and regrets, weaknesses or struggles… friends, family, jobs, money… all of it… Don’t let those things steal your true identity. Guard your heart though Jesus.

I know I’m valuable, worthy, loved, cherished, beautiful and whole to my Heavenly Father. You are all of those things as well, and that is the truth of who we are.

“In all things, we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us” Romans 8:37

“But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His wonderful light” 1 Peter 2:9

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away, behold, all things have become new” 2 Corinthians 5:17

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness…” 2 Corinthians 12:9

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” Philippians 4:13