The Pearl
Tom and I recently celebrated our 30th anniversary. A milestone the world said we’d never reach. Admittedly, it’s a milestone even we weren’t always sure would happen. Any doubts we had were never because we didn’t love each other, but more because there were times when the pressure from our circumstances seemed too much. Today, I am beyond thankful that we didn’t give in to those hard times. I look back on our life together and see so much grace. God had a plan for us and covered us during those seasons when we were just trying to hold on. Today, our lives are rich and we feel undeservedly blessed with a beautiful family that has gone from 2 to soon-to-be 15 (grandbaby #7 coming in November!). When I see photos from the past 3 decades, all I see is God’s grace. I’ve often thought of our life together as a worn, comfy quilt with some thin, tattered squares that are barely hanging by the threads to some bright, radiant, strong squares sewn tight – all of them perfectly fitted into the beautiful design.
I’ve been in the fight to beat breast cancer for ten months now, and I’m certain this will prove to be one of the toughest chapters of my life. Tom’s life. There was a time when our marriage may not have survived this diagnosis. A time when I kept my guard up and powered through whatever I was facing. A time when Tom wasn’t so sensitive and caring. A time when we were just trying to grow up, figure things out and get through the day. If I’d been diagnosed during those times, we very well may have fallen apart. Fast forward to today - Tom has been incredible through my breast cancer journey. My one constant. My rock. Since my diagnosis, he has been right by my side, caring for me, supporting and encouraging me, fighting with me. He says he is honored to walk through this with me and feels privileged with the opportunity – and he really does mean it. He still tells me I’m beautiful every day. I wonder how in the world he can look at me and say that honestly, but in spite of my baldness, flabbiness, weakness, sickness, fatigue, weight gain and scars, he looks at me today like he looked at me when we were kids. Today, I don’t doubt his love or commitment to me. In turn, I have learned to be vulnerable with him and to face this battle honestly - together. I openly share my pain, frustrations and fears with him without hesitance and he holds me through them. I also share the really good days and we celebrate the wins together. I think he loves me now even more than he ever has, and I certainly love him more. This frightening and challenging season together has made us stronger than ever before.
30 years… The traditional symbol for the 30th anniversary is the pearl. How very fitting it is for us as we’ve passed that great milestone. Pearls don’t just happen. Pearls are formed when an irritant, usually a parasite, enters the shell and rubs against the clam or oyster causing discomfort. As a defense mechanism, the clam releases a fluid that coats the parasite in layer after layer until a perfectly beautiful pearl is formed. The longer the pearl is left in the shell, the more valuable it becomes. Over time, Tom and I have had many parasites work their way in to threaten our marriage and with each one, we have enabled our defense mechanisms to protect ourselves against them. Sometimes those defense mechanisms have been plain stubbornness and grit, but with each parasite we have added layer after layer after layer of protection that has formed this rare, indestructible, priceless pearl. We have learned how to maneuver and defend so that no parasite can take hold and hurt us, including a cancer diagnosis. You’ve probably heard cancer survivors say “cancer is the best thing that ever happened to me,” referring to the positive changes it caused in their lives. I don’t think I’ll be one of those people who say it’s the best thing ever, but I can say it has brought many blessings and has made me more thankful for the life I’ve been given. More thankful for the parasites that have irritated in years past that taught us how to defend and protect. They prepared us for now.
To my precious husband – Thank you for loving me the way you do. I love you more today than ever before and pray for 30 more years with you this side of Heaven. Whatever God’s plan is for our future, we will be okay.
