So, Why Tiffany's Song?
When we think of songs and singing, we think of happy, dancing, good moods and celebrations... so it probably seems odd that I would name my blog Tiffany’s Song to share my breast cancer journey. What do I have to celebrate, right? How can I have a song?
When I was first diagnosed, I felt extreme sadness.. I definitely felt fear... still do. You see, I am a certified oncology nurse, so I know what everything, EVERYTHING means. I don’t have the gift of blissful ignorance here. I know exactly what my diagnosis means, the pathophysiology of my disease, the brutal surgeries, treatment regimens and toxic drugs that await me to cure me and help me once again live a normal, healthy life… I know exactly what I am getting ready to face. This will be a battle. My battle. A battle that I will fight physically, psychologically and spiritually.
There’s a story from the Bible that has become very meaningful to me over the past several years and now I know why. It’s the story of Jehosephat. I will give you a very condensed version: Jehosephat was the king of a small country, Judah, and he wasn’t like most kings of his time because he honored, trusted, loved and feared God. The story tells us Jehosephat received word that 3 larger countries had banded together and were waging war on Judah. Jehosephat knew he was about to go into battle. The Bible says this, “Alarmed, Jehosephat resolved to inquire of the Lord.” This says to me, that Jehosephat knew he was unable to win the battle without the help of God. His first response was to go to the Lord. He said to God, “We have no power over this army that is attacking us and we do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you.” Sure enough, the war raged and Jehosephat led his people into battle singing and praising God. Imminent doom was surely theirs, but they sang and praised God. The Bible tells us that Judah did not even have to fight. The enemy turned on themselves and killed all of their own men, resulting in Judah ultimately winning the war! The seemingly impossible became not only possible, but reality.
This story is meaningful to me because, as you might imagine, I feel some alarm right now. I have moments when I just don’t want to face what is ahead, and I worry about the outcome. As Jehosephat’s example taught me, I am resolving to inquire of the Lord because I know I absolutely will not win this battle without Him. I can praise Him because of the incredible blessings and love I am being surrounded with each day in the midst of the uncertainty and sometimes what feels like total chaos. I wrestle with my mortality, but in the depths of my soul I feel extreme peace. I am confident God will carry me through this battle and I will come out on the other side stronger and more prepared for the mission and work He has called me to. I will walk through this battle praising God, singing and trusting in His plan. This journey will be my song.
