Don't Wait
There was a time when I thought having cancer was the worst thing that could happen. A death sentence. The beginning to a slow, painful end. I would have pity and wonder how in the world someone could get up every day knowing they were doomed. Of course, all of those perceptions were just my ignorance. After becoming an oncology nurse, it didn’t take long for me to change my mind and instead, view cancer almost as a gift. A compassionate, gracious gift. Stay with me here…
Remember my friend, Larry. He affirmed that the “c” word forces us to come to terms with the fact that our lives may be shorter than we had planned and that once we make peace with death, we can live more fully in the present. Read that again. Make peace with death so we can live fully in the present. Not an easy thing to do, but we must accept the fact that we are all going to die. That's the only sure thing we all have in common. Mortality rate of the human race is 100%. The only real question is when. A cancer diagnosis forces us to come to terms with our mortality and makes us think differently about the way we approach every new day given to us. How sad that it often takes something like this to make us slow down and think about how we’re living. You or I could be killed in a car accident today, or drop dead with a heart attack or stroke tomorrow, without warning. A cancer diagnosis gives us a wake up call, a warning. It’s the compassionate, gracious gift of opportunity to get it right while we still have time.
As an oncology nurse and leader of a medical oncology unit for several years, I have cared for and have been present with many patients in their last season of life. I have watched patients die peacefully, and I have watched them die in severe emotional, spiritual distress. I have learned that people can die physically broken, but emotionally, spiritually whole. Sometimes we cannot heal the physical body, but we can heal the spirit… our souls. I have watched a dying mother make peace and ask for forgiveness from her estranged son whom she had shunned his entire adult life because she didn’t agree with his lifestyle. I have watched estranged children travel thousands of miles to see their parent before dying, often times to say I’m sorry. I love you. Thank you. I forgive you. It’s okay to go… oh, the difference mending those relationships has made for the ones suffering. I’ve watched others struggle through death with emotional, spiritual pain, obstinate and angry, refusing to make peace with their past. I’ll never forget a gentleman I cared for who laid in the hospital bed for days, suffering, all alone. In my daily rounds I got to know him and learned that he and his son had not spoken for years. There was a giant mountain of bitterness, hurt and anger between them. Each day I talked to him about his son and offered the opportunity to call him. Each day my patient refused. His body continued to decline and I continued to offer to make that call… and all of a sudden one day he agreed. I dialed that long-distance number, handed him the phone, stepped back and watched from a distance as this broken father wept, speaking to his son for the first time in years. He was making peace. Mending the pain of a broken relationship. Offering and asking for forgiveness. That was such a powerful moment in my life. One I’ll never, ever forget…
We often wait until it’s too late to tell someone what they mean to us. We wait until it’s too late to forgive. We wait until it’s too late to say we’re sorry, thank you, I love you. I’m glad you were born. I’ll miss you. We hold celebrations of life after the people we celebrate are gone, when they are not present to hear that their lives mattered, that they made a difference. We withhold that blessing, that gift from them until they’re gone. I have only been walking this road for a couple of months. I have been so tremendously blessed by people in my life showing up, sharing with me what I have meant to them. People I had no idea I had impacted have given me the beautiful gift of sharing their love, gratitude and memories with me. I have reconnected with friends who were once so meaningful in my life but who had become distant through the chaos of our busy lives. Wonderful, loving, gracious friends that I have dearly missed. I feel like I have had an opportunity to celebrate my life a little bit and it has already begun changing me. This gift has made me so thankful and has motivated me to do better, be better, live better. Early into this journey, I am finding emotional healing and spiritual awakening, and both are fueling physical strength and resolve. I have cancer. And I have a long road of brutal treatments and more surgeries ahead of me, but I have never felt more loved, more cherished, more alive than I do right now. The encouragement and love of those around me are sustaining me to fight the battle ahead.
I guess the point I am trying to make with this writing is this: Don’t wait. Don’t put off telling someone what they mean to you. Share with them the differences they have made in your life. Don’t wait to make peace with your past. To forgive yourself and others for experiences that have hurt you. Don’t wait for a cancer diagnosis to make you come to terms with your mortality. Give the incredible gift of you, beautiful, whole, loving and gracious you, to someone today. You have the power to be the difference to someone in their darkest hour and time of need. You have the power to heal. You can change a life simply by showing up. Don’t put it off because you truly may not have the chance again.
“Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to act.” Proverbs 3:27
“Give to everyone what you owe them: If you owe taxes, pay taxes; if revenue, then revenue; if respect, then respect; if honor, then honor.” Romans 13:7
