Choose Joy

It’s already November. This is the month when we take time out to pause, reflect and give thanks for the many gifts in our lives. The Thanksgiving holiday is one I look forward to every year, but as I approached this month, I found myself dwelling on the “what ifs” November holds for me. I will begin chemotherapy this week and thinking about it brings anxiety. A lot can happen this month. This is the month my immune system will be under attack and blood counts will start to plummet. This is the month I will lose all of my hair, likely be sick and experience the physical and emotional side effects my chemotherapy is known to bring… It’s so easy to get caught up anticipating the awful things that could happen.

Since my diagnosis, and especially as I approach this next difficult phase of my treatment, I have thought so much of my beautiful friend, Janice. Janice was the epitome of southern beauty and charm. Classy. Elegant. Graceful. Charismatic. Always put together and head-turning beautiful. I truly admired her. She was so much fun and had the very best laugh. She was diagnosed with breast cancer at a fairly young age and endured about 7 years of difficult surgeries and harsh treatments until her body just couldn’t take any more. In all the time Janice spent at doctors’ offices and undergoing almost constant treatment, she never talked about her prognosis. It didn’t matter how long she had to live because she simply chose to live her life to the fullest every day she was given. We’ve all heard the saying “live like you’re dying.” Janice didn’t believe that, instead, she lived like she was living! I remember visiting her at MD Anderson in Houston where she was participating in a clinical trial after her cancer was no longer responding to conventional treatment protocols. I asked her how she was doing and she smiled and said she was “good.” Thinking she was just giving me the polite, what-she-thought-I-wanted-to-hear answer, I said “No, honestly Janice, how are you really,” and she said “I am good. Really!” She went on to tell me how peaceful she felt, and how she had decided not long into her journey that she wouldn’t let her cancer or the circumstances in her life have power over her thoughts or her time. She said she simply didn’t have the energy or room in her heart to harbor unforgiveness or bitterness, and instead she was focusing on living her life and doing so with joy. As I sat listening to her my mind went back to some painful circumstances that took place in her life after her first diagnosis that certainly gave her permission to be bitter, hurt, angry, but she chose to be none of those things… She chose to have joy. While I was feeling helpless to fix things, with my heart hurting for her, my beautiful, gracious friend who was suffering from a horrible terminal disease was encouraging me, teaching me the importance of choosing joy. Little did we know she was laying a foundation for my own journey that would begin just a few years later...

Joy doesn’t just happen. It requires intentional effort. To choose means to prefer or decide, to do something. Joy is an action. A decision. To have joy is to choose not to dwell on the bad and instead, choose to dwell on the good. I’ve learned it’s very easy for me to get sucked into the worry if I’m not careful, but when I am intentional about guarding my heart and my mind, filling them with truth and goodness, and things like memories of Janice, joy seems to overshadow whatever it is that is pulling me down. In the book of Philippians, Paul gives us this instruction, an actionable instruction, “whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things” - He didn’t tell us to think about these things when everything is going well in our lives, or to do so only when we feel like it - we are to think on the good things always. He said if we do this, we will have peace. I am certain Janice felt unsettled at times with worry or fear, but when those emotions came over her, she chose to think on the true, right, and lovely. She was peaceful. She chose joy.

My sweet friend passed away two and a half years ago. She had been placed under hospice care so I drove to Georgia to see her about a week before she left us, and there she was, smiling, laughing and being as beautiful and loving as she ever had been. That was a tough visit. It was the first time Janice ever talked to me about dying. In fact, she asked me to tell her what would happen to her body and how she would know when death was near. Ugh. That was so hard. While I was there with tears in my eyes, telling her what she wanted to know, she gently reminded me that “weeping may endure for the night, but joy comes in the morning.” Again, encouraging me in one of her darkest moments. She was at total peace. Ready to go. Unafraid. Leaving her house that day was difficult. I hugged her, gave her a kiss and told her I would see her later, knowing it was the last time I would see her this side of Heaven.

I am so thankful God allowed my path to cross with Janice’s. He gave me a beautiful gift in her, a humble, generous, courageous example to follow in my own journey. As I face the uncertainties ahead of me this week, I am setting my thoughts on the pure, praiseworthy, excellent and lovely blessings in my life. I am choosing joy.

“You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing your praises and not be silent. Lord my God, I will praise you forever.” Psalm 30:11-12