Give Me Some Break!

Many of you reading this know much of our story with our son, Romain. Romain came to us from Central African Republic at the age of 17 and he did not speak English. He was thrown right into a new country, new community, new home, new school, new family - neither of us were prepared for what the future would hold. He was a junior in high school and had a whole lot of ground to gain in a very short time. I took his mission to heart and in addition to becoming Ro’s mom, I became his teacher, teaching him English, helping him acclimate to American life, teaching to drive, balance a checkbook, etc. I was absolutely determined Romain would succeed, live as normal a life as possible, and was hellbent on him graduating from high school on time. This meant I pushed him. Hard. Fortunately, he is very intelligent and he adapted exceptionally well, but it was tough and I was tough on him. I remember arguing with Romain one night because he wanted to go out with friends and I made him stay home and study instead (I’m sorry, Ro. I regret that!)… When Ro had learned enough English and when I was pushing him too hard, he would say “C’mon mom, give me some break!” His way of telling me to back off a bit. Remarkably, Ro did graduate from high school on time and even passed his ACT to qualify for college athletic scholarships. His success came at no small cost, but he did it and I was and still am so very proud of him.

Since that time, when I’m being tough on Tom or vice versa, he’ll say to me “c’mon, Tiff, give me some break!” haha. It is one of the best lessons Romain ever taught me. Take a break. Give some grace. Slow down.

If you’d asked me 25 years ago if I am pushy, hard-headed, determined, aggressive, I would have said “Me? Nope. No way!” Okay, okay… I might have had to agree that I have always been a bit hard-headed (: I’ve come to realize over the years that I actually am all of those things! I am constantly setting goals for myself and I push myself to reach them. I push myself to do better, be better, learn more, produce results. Those innate tendencies of mine have made this whole cancer thing very hard. I do not slow down well. I don’t do a good job of taking breaks. However, I have had no choice recently. Chemo #5 has hit me really, really hard. I’m on day 11 and still feel so incredibly weak that even taking a shower wears me out and I have to rest afterwards! My head feels strong and ready to go, but my body just isn’t on board. I think she’s screaming at me to give her some grace… again, not an easy thing to do.

This busy chaotic world we live in has conditioned us to feel weak, lazy or like failures if we aren’t busy, accomplishing important goals or achieving success. Add that pressure to an already high expectation of self, and it makes it darn hard to slow down and rest. Even though I have cancer (ugh. I have cancer! still seems surreal at times…), I have had a very difficult time accepting my physical limitations recently. I’ve tried to give myself pep talks and tell myself to listen to my body, “it’s okay, Tiffany, you have to take this time to heal.” And even though I know it’s true in my heart, it’s tough to accept. So, as I often do, I started thinking about Jesus and what He would do if He were me. The Bible says Jesus was equally man and God. In his human form, He experienced the same feelings, anxieties, frustrations and stressors we experience in our own humanness. Jesus was constantly mobbed, asked to heal, asked to teach, asked to feed, asked to prove himself over and over again… crowds of thousands asking him to fulfill some need that they had. He was depended on by nations of people and was expected to produce. He loved, healed, taught, fed, coached… you name it, and He wanted to do those things. He deeply, passionately loved, but even Jesus grew weary and tired. And at those times, though the pressures didn’t ease and the expectations of Him didn’t go away, He rested. He took time away by himself to pray, to rest. He recognized his spirit and physical body telling Him it was time to slow down… Surely, if Jesus can take time out to rest and heal, so can I. I know it’s okay for me to do this because Jesus himself told me what to do when I am feeling this way. In the book of Matthew, Jesus said “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” The Savior of the world giving me permission to slow down and rest.

Self-care is a critical and often underrated practice. It’s especially tough for those of us who are care givers. We must realize that when the plane’s going down, if we don’t put the oxygen on ourselves first, we will be of no use to anyone else. I’m working on accepting this truth. I’m learning to listen to my body. I’m learning to give myself grace. If you find yourself struggling with setting boundaries and caring for yourself, remember Jesus, our perfect example in all things. He did it – we can too. Let’s “give ourselves some break!” (:

The Mountain

If the mountain seems
too big today, then climb a hill instead.

If the morning brings
you sadness, it’s okay to stay in bed.

If the day ahead
weighs heavy and your plans feel like a curse,

there’s no shame in
rearranging, don’t make yourself feel worse.

If a shower stings
like needles, and a bath feels like you’ll drown,

if you haven’t washed
your hair for days, don’t throw away your crown.

A day is not a
lifetime, a rest is not defeat,

don’t think of it as
failure, just a quiet, kind retreat.

It’s okay to take a
moment from an anxious, fractured mind,

the world will not
stop turning while you get realigned.

The mountain will
still be there when you want to try again,

 you can climb it in your own time, just love
yourself til then.  

by Laura Ding-Edwards